Sick

ok...I hope to have a semi open relationship with the people that read this blog so I'm going to tell you all about my adventures with the stomach virus and our local ER.

***WARNING*** What you are about to read is real. It's not pretty. But at times is pretty funny.

So last Wednesday after dinner I started to feel a bit 'under the weather.' As in, I found myself making frequent and sometimes urgent trips to the bathroom. I chocked it up to something I ate and decided to go to bed early.

Little did I know...

Thursday I had a sub job at my very favorite school, teaching special ed. Luckily I had two aides, because multiple times that day I found myself in the same predicament as the previous night. I got home that afternoon exhausted, aching, and feeling generally terrible. I spent the rest of the evening on the couch.

Friday I called off from work. The secretary at school informed that a Kindergarten teacher called in with the same symptoms, which made me feel like less of a wuss. The rest of Friday was a blur. D and I were supposed to travel home to attend one of my favorite festivities (a fish fry) but ultimately decided that 3 hours in the car and greasy fried fish might not be a good compliment to my frequent and sometimes urgent trips to the bathroom.

Saturday. I was writhing in pain at this point. Every drink I took caused extreme stomach cramps and bathroom visits. Also today my stomach decided to rebel and I began vomiting.

*I told you this wasnt a pretty post*

My darling husband drove 40 mins to get me a Sonic cherry lime slushy because it was the only thing that sounded good to me. Isn't he a dream?

Sunday was the same old, same old. At this point I was tired. I need help getting up off the couch, getting a drink, etc. It was pitiful. I needed my mom. I was actually afraid to be at home alone on Monday, so I gave in and called mommy. Thank goodness she agreed to come take care of me!!

Monday mom arrived and declared that it was time to go to the doctor. Here was the dilemma..should I go to my family doctor? urgent care? the ER!? We decided to try urgent care. This is were the true fun begins....

Mom and I arrive at urgent care. I fill out the paper work and give the lady my insurance card. I must have looked terrible and young? because she proceeds to ask me if the male on the insurance card in my dad or a spouse? ha ha I should have taken this as a sign.

We waited an hour to see the doctor. When he finally knocks on my door, I am unpleasantly surprised. The man is in his mid-seventies. He looks fragile. Literally. He is shaking and coughing and coming towards me. Oh man.

He proceeds to ask me about my symptoms. I explain. Our conversation is as follows:

DR: Have you been drinking any fluids?
Me: Yes, Gatorade, water, sprite, ginger ale.
DR: Have you tried Gatorade?
Me: Yes

DR: Have you taken any over the counter medications to relieve your symptoms?
Me: Yes, Pepto Bismal, Imodium
DR: Have you tried Pepto?
Me: Yes
DR: Have you noticed any darkening of your BM's?
Me: Yes but I attribute that to the Pepto
DR: oh well you answered your own question
Me: uh...ok

Dr. then decides to check/feel my belly. While I am sitting up. He JABS in hand into my abdomen. My eyes bulge.
DR: Oh your a little tender in your belly?
Me: uh huh

He has my lie back and continues to 'check' aka mutilate my belly. Then he coughs in my face. Mucus and all. In My Face.

DR: Have you recently been exposed to any similar illnesses?
Me: I am a substitute teacher. I am filling in for teachers who are home sick with similiar illnesses. I wipe noses of children who have similiar illnesses. So...YES.

At this point I feel hopeless. After his examination in conjunction with my symptoms he comes to the conclusion that I need IV fluids. He tells me that he can set me up there (as in, this man who can't stop shaking and coughing inserting a needle into my arm...).

Thank God for my mom, who offers to take me to the hospital so I don't take up a room at the already busy urgent care. The doctor thinks this is a great idea, plus he thinks I might need some tests to figure out why my 'issue' as lasted this long. Good thinking doc.

So mom and I get packed up and make our way to the local ER.

Stay tuned for more misadventures including a boob job from Mexico gone wrong, lost urine and stool samples, and fun and games in the ER.