smutty smut smut

Our dear friends A/R and now baby S regularly have a truckload of smut delivered to their house.

What is smut? Gossip magazines of course!

A/R receive a steady stream of smut on a weekly basis. At least five magazines a week.....for free....and they have no idea where the magazines come from. You see, A/R have never subscribed to these smut mags nor do they pay for them and when they moved and changed addresses the magazines followed.

I have a secret love of smut. I don't typically pay for these magazines but when given the opportunity I happily indulge. Doctors' offices are notorious for smut. It sure makes waiting to be poked and prodded worth it when you can catch up on the latest gossip. A quick update on the Octomom, the size of Carrie Underwood's engagement ring, who wore what on the red carpet, and Jon & Kate plus 8 makes me smile.

.....and tonight I got the super secret invitation to A/R's smut mecca.....

Last week D and I had a home phone line installed (we decided it was time to be real grown ups). Well tonight I was meandering around the house when the phone rang. It was a private number. Because I am easily excitable and the home phone is currently super exciting to me, I quickly jumped to answer. On the line was a telemarketer, congratulating me for winning a sweepstakes.

Me: uh....can I ask how you got this number?

Telemarketer: Ma'am, we are a third party who buys phone numbers from telephone companies.

Me: We've only had this phone line for a week.

Telemarketer: Actually we get first dibs of the new phone numbers : )

Me: ok?

Telemarketer: The good news is that you have been "selected" to receive 5 FREE magazine subscriptions from our popular vendors including..... smut mag 1, smut mag 2, smut mag 3, smut mag 4, and smut mag 5. !!!!!

Me: !!!!!

I will admit it took me about 60 seconds to realize that there is no such thing as free smut magazines (except for A/R)

Me: You are telling me that I am going to receive 5 FREE magazine subscriptions? Without paying a thing? not. one. penny.?

Telemarketer: Yes, the magazine company only asks that you pay the nominal fee of $3.50 a week to ship the magazines.

Me: (while pouting big.time.) Do not send me any smut magazine. I am not willing to pay $3.50 per week.

boooo!!! !! !! !

No smut for Halley.

-H

p.s. A/R also have a home phone which is how I made the connection that this is how they receive their smut. They must be on some list or slipped the through the cracks??